“A terrible kindness” 是一本很特別的小說，講的是家族事業是undertaker(葬儀社)的孩子，在面對未來是否繼承祖業的掙扎過程。
主人翁William的父親早逝，undertaker 的事業就由他父親的雙胞胎兄弟Robert繼續營運。Robert主要負責外場，而處理遺體的工作就由Robert的同性伴侶Howard承擔了下來。
William 的母親一向不喜歡undertaker這個行業，因此把他送到音樂學校，希望他能發揮所長，成為一位歌唱音樂家。
William對undertaker這個行業，從小耳濡目染，是真心喜歡。違拗了母親的心願，加入了undertaker的職業學校，以每一科都滿分的成績畢業 ，成為一位合格的embalmer(遺體防腐師)。
就在畢業之際，北愛爾蘭Aberfan這個地方，發生礦渣(slag)崩落的意外，活埋了很多人，死者眾多急需embalmer的支援，William 雖然是這個行業的菜鳥，但他義無反顧地志願前往。
其中最慘的，是一個被掩埋的學校，焦急的家長聚集在教堂外，等著他們孩子的消息。
“Bodies are brought here, wrapped in blankets. Before we arrived, the police were cleaning them to get identification for the parents. We’ve managed to get the coroner’s permission to treat the bodies without post mortems, thank God. We’ve set up a couple of stations in the vestry and a couple more in the other chapel down the road. We wash them, get them identified, treat and coffin them. Then they’re moved to the other chapel.”
在法醫相驗之前就允許可以先清潔屍體，就可以想見死者人數之眾多，狀況之緊急。
embalmers 的做法，就是先略為清潔屍體，然後將衣服剪下來，拿到教堂外，由焦慮等待的父母來指認。
“The waiting parents, mostly women, stand to attention at his appearance. He fights the instinct to crumple the shirt in one fist behind his back…Everything he must do this day is about these people standing before him now; that woman in tweed coat and torn stockings, that man with the ragged shirt and terrified eyes, and that little boy on the table with smashed legs…”
但是，漸漸地，接下來挖出來的的屍首往往不全，更困難處理。
“Carefully, he lifts the carotid artery from the neat incision in her neck. He rests it flat on the stainless steel separator, noticing the tiny capillaries tracing their delicate path through the blood vessel. He eases the small artery tube into the cut he has made and then repeats the process with the internal jugular vein. After joining the first to the supply of arterial fluid and the second to a tube leading to a bucket by his feet, William picks up the hand pump. Squeeze release, squeeze release, squeeze release. The fake heart drives the fluid through the girl’s arteries and her blood into the bucket. Willam’s hand aches from all the pumping. His back aches from leaning over small bodies, but he doesn’t slow down, or stretch his back, or flex his fingers.
Once the body has been aspirated, treated with fluids and the incision sutured, William breathes deeply. He takes her left hand in both his and rubs, bending her knuckles, easing the fluid to the very end of the fingertips, rendering them pink again…”
屍體防腐的方法，就是將血液換成防腐劑(一般是2%左右的甲醛(formaldehyde, HCHO)水溶液。俗稱的福馬林formalin也是甲醛的水溶液，只是濃度更高)。
做法是在屍體的頸部做小切口，把頸動脈和頸靜脈拉出來，各別穿入管子，前者用來輸入防腐劑，後者則用來放掉血管裏的血，所以，embalmer 最重要的一課，就是要深入了解身體血液的循環。
The mnemonic for remembering embalming completion procedures : Pack Her Cotton Dress Clean Today Please(PHCDCTP.)
當然embalmer 的工作，不止輸入防腐劑，他們有一個”Pack Her Cotton Dress Clean Today Please”的口訣。
“Pack is pack orifices.
Her is set hair – or shave as appropriate.
Cotton is cosmetise, if necessary.
Dress is dress as directed by family.
Clean is clean all mortuary equipment.
Today is tidy up and check stocks.
Please is attend to personal cleanliness.”
真是隔行如隔山。
Embalmer 要練就的，是冷靜地仔細處理好遺體，必須控制好自己的情緒。
但是，對William來說，屍體來得太多，年紀又那麼小，而且往往也是不全，使得縱使從小耳濡目染而且從embalmer 職業學校滿分畢業的他，在心理上也造成了巨大的創傷性衝擊，以至於影響到他後來的戀愛和婚姻，而且對於是擁有自己的孩子，心中一直有很大的抗拒。這個情結，成為這本小說的重心和張力之所在。
雖然感到很戲劇性，但以一本小說而言，”A terrible kindness” 還真的不錯讀呢！
在台灣，屍體大都是在幾天內火化，如果需要存放上比較長的時間，一般都是租用大型的、上方有透明玻璃的冰櫃，也方便直接瞻仰遺容。
冰凍的遺體，算好時間提早解凍，印象是約在出殯的前一天。
台灣的禮儀師，一般著重的技術是表面的上妝，像英國的embalmer要將遺體的血換成防腐劑的，還真的沒有聽聞過呢！
英國的Embalmer 或台灣的禮儀師，心智都是強大的。他們做的是一般人會感到驚懼的工作，但是，他們往往能夠展現慈悲心，讓逝者以最優美的姿勢，在人生的最後一程，有個美麗的回眸。小說名稱是A terrible kindness，也算是恰如其分了。
A terrible kindness，Embalmer 或禮儀師所展現的，就是絕對的慈悲。
*：Jo Browning Wroe, “A terrible kindness,” 2022, CPI Group(UK) Ltd.
2023/8/15 A terrible kindness Damakey
