The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake

為了慶祝 Rose 九歲的生日，她的媽媽烘烤檸檬巧克力蛋糕給她慶生。當她吃下第一口的時候，她突然發現了她有一個非常恐怖的天賦異稟，居然可以透過食物，品嚐出烹調該食物的廚師的情緒。

她可以嚐出廚師戀愛的好心情，嚐得出廚師的悲苦，嚐得出食物裏的番茄農人在摘取過程的粗暴，知道牛奶來自於哪一個地區，加工廠生產線的金屬味道等等。

好的心情當然可口，但是因為感受是如此真切，如果是負面的情緒，那就往往讓她完全感同深受地難以下嚥，只能以機器生產的垃圾食物果腹充饑(比較沒有奇奇怪怪的情緒)。

她從母親做的檸檬巧克力蛋糕中，了解到母親心中無比的空虛，而且赫然發現母親的外遇：

"But the day was darkening outside, and as I finished the first bite, as thet first impression faded, I felt a subtle shift inside, an unexpected reaction. As if a sensor, so far buried deep inside me, raised its scope to scan around, alerting my mouth to something new. Because the goodness of the ingredients – the fine chocolate, the freshest lemons – seemed like a cover over something larger and darker, and the taste of what was underneath was beginning to push up from the bite. I could absolutely taste the chocolate, but in drifts and traces, in an unfurling, or an opening, it seemed that my mouth was also filling with the taste of smallness, the sensation of shrinking, of upset, tasting a distance I somehow knew was connected to my mother, tasting a crowded sense of her thinking, a spiral, like I could almost taste the grit in her jaw that had created the headdache that she had to take as many aspirins as were necessary, a white dotted line of them in a row on nightstand like an ellipsis to her comment: I'm just going to lie down… None of it was a bad taste, so much, but there was a kind of lack of wholeness to the favors that made it taste hollow, like the lemon and chocolate were just surrounding a hollowness…."

Rose 的祖父，據說可以聞出別人埋藏在心裏的情緒。他跟他的孫女一樣困擾，所以往往在鼻子上罩上一塊布，來減低嗅覺的敏銳度。

Rose 的哥哥更奇了，他會不定時地跟身旁的物品融為一體，渾然不自覺，旁人看起來就好像從人間蒸發一樣。

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

在我們的周遭，不乏對他人的情緒非常敏感的人，如果他們對這種敏感能處理得宜，我們稱之為EQ很高。

如果感受敏感但不知如何處理，那就難免落得多愁善感、鬱鬱寡歡。

如果用負面的防禦機制去強力回應，那麼難免像刺蝟一樣，不是弄得兩敗俱傷，不然就是挫敗之後的怨天尤人。

也有一些人，自我感覺良好，缺乏對他人的情緒有感受度。這種人會覺得比較好過，但往往會傷害了別人還不自知。

能夠透過食物，就可以力透紙背地感受到烹調食物過程的人的情緒，那無疑是一種超級的敏感。

廚師的歡欣愉悅固然可以享受，那廚師的怨懟悲苦當然也必須忍受。

我想，如果我們可以感受到眼前的這雙手隨時爬滿了細菌，而且以時俱增，我們應該很快就會瘋了吧！

沒想到無知居然是讓我們心平氣和最偉大的設計。

而腦海裡，慢慢淡忘負面的痛苦經驗也是。

人生真是奇妙！

Damakey 讀 "The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake"